Don’t Shoot the Messenger

13 Best Practices How to Survive When You Are the Bearer of Bad News

“I don’t know what this message means

Don’t blame me, I’m just the messenger”

from Binary by Crüxshadows

Everyone has to deliver bad news sometimes.

Own it, deliver it, and move on. But only be a bearer of bad news when it is yours. Don’t get caught in a trap being the messenger for bad news that really ought to be delivered by someone else. And on the flip side, do not engage messengers yourself.

• If you need to let a team member go, do it yourself.
• If you failed to close a deal you committed to, share the news asap.
• If your team is behind schedule or over budget, own it and make sure everyone knows.
• If you know something that will kill the deal, make it known.
• If you have feedback to give, do it.

Now, it is not an easy or comfortable position to be in.

As Amii Barnard-Bahn describes, “ such messengers are not only deemed unlikable and less competent but that some malevolence is ascribed to them. Due to our overwhelming human need to make meaning of all events, especially bad ones (which impact us five times more than good ones), we unfairly confer ill intent upon the person delivering it.

Further, recipients of bad news may believe that the messenger actively wanted the negative event to happen. The belief that messengers have chosen a norm-violating role that often conveys misery adds to this sense of blame.

In a corporate context, this means the person cloaked in bad news may be rejected as an unhelpful resource — even if this person is, paradoxically, the subject matter expert specifically hired to serve in that role. “

Back to “everyone has to deliver bad news sometimes”: How can one do it, survive, and thrive? How can one get better at it and avoid the negative pushback? Drawing from a variety of sources, here are 13 best practices:

1. Be the first to break the news. Even if you have not sorted out all of the details, communicate what you can, when you can.

2. Provide advance warning. Use phrases like “I’ve got some bad news.” This helps reduce potential shock and the negativity.

3. Rehearse your delivery. Don’t wing it. Preparation will help you project the right balance of confidence, humility, and gravitas.

4. Prepare for questions. Do your homework in advance.

5. Be fully present with key stakeholders. When delivering bad news, face-to-face is best, followed by videoconference, then telephone, to reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings and escalations.

6. Apologize. If you had a hand in causing the bad news, genuinely apologize.

7. Don’t joke around. When delivering bad news, cracking jokes is disrespectful and comes off as rude.

8. Convey benevolent intent. Express empathy. Demonstrate how the problem has been fixed or efforts are underway to prevent a recurrence.

9. Explain and avoid justifying. It’s critical to give an adequate accounting of the relevant facts that allow your audience to understand what occurred.

10. Remain calm. Stay with the facts.

11. Don’t sugarcoat it. Completely straightforward, short, and to the point.

12. Own it. Give everyone who might be involved the feeling that the situation is treated with transparency, responsibility, and accountability.

13. Don’t bargain. Don’t allow the conversation to become a negotiation when it really can’t be one.

The business world might be able to learn a lesson from the medical profession. Because despite advancements in medicine, not all patients can be cured. Skillful delivery of bad or life-altering news is part of many physicians’ professional life, and with it, they do provide comfort for the patient and family.

There are several protocols available to guide the delivery of bad or serious news. Common themes of the protocols include establishing rapport in an appropriate setting, determining the patient’s previous knowledge and desire for details, avoiding medical jargon and euphemisms, supporting patient emotions, allowing for questions, summarizing, and determining the next steps.

One of them is the BREAKS Protocol:

Background. Know the patient’s background, clinical history, and family or support person.

Rapport. Build rapport and allow time and space to understand the patient’s concerns.

Explore. Determine the patient’s understanding and start from what the patient knows about the illness.

Announce. Preface the bad news with a warning; use nonmedical language. Avoid long explanations or stories of other patients. Give no more than three pieces of information at a time.

Kindle. Address emotions as they arise. Ask the patient to recount what you said. Be aware of denial.

Summarize. Summarize the bad news and the patient’s concerns. Provide a written summary for the patient. Ensure patient safety (e.g., suicidality, ability to safely drive home) and provide follow-up options (e.g., on-call physician, helpline, office appointment).

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Amii Barnard-Bahn — Don’t Shoot the Messenger: How to Deliver Bad News Without Being Hated

Sarah Epstein — Don’t Shoot the Messenger? No, Don’t Be the Messenger

Forbes — 13 Ways To Get Better At Delivering Bad News

Rhett Power — The 8 do’s and don’ts of delivering bad news

Andy Molinsky — How to Deliver Bad News Like a Pro

American Family Physician — Delivering Bad or Life-Altering News

Photo by Anne Gosewehr

Originally published at https://www.vendux.org on June 1, 2021.